


I'm in Wonderland Dad, and it's a Nightmare

by Cinder7storm4



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Asexual, Asexual Character, Dreaming, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Nightmares, Other, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers loves his kid, Steve's daughter - Freeform, Stony - Freeform, Stony family, Time Travel, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Tony's daughter, happiness and then sadness, ignoring ultron, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5699764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinder7storm4/pseuds/Cinder7storm4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Steve's daughter from the future has fallen through time to meet her fathers twenty years before her birth. It's like a dream come true for the Avengers, especially Tony because contrary to his beliefs he has the capacity to be a good parent. This wonderland quickly falls apart though when it becomes apparent that his daughter's life in the future is a living nightmare.</p><p>*This is cross-posted on my ff.net account Cinderstorm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Do You Study?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Marvel Universe and its characters do not belong to me. Happy Reading!

“What do you study?” He asked. She ducked her head and bit her lip, Stark trademarks of worry that Tony had long since trained out of himself and replaced with his plastic smile and smug sarcasm. She slowly curled the fingers of her right hand inwards to make contact with her palm, lightly digging her nails into her soft skin. 

She dropped that hand beside her, half hidden behind the table most people would never have taken note of it. But the Avengers weren’t most people. 

Tony tracked Natasha’s eyes that flickered from the girl’s hand and back in an almost imperceptible moment. Her eyes met his in another instant while hers held a million questions so did his. She nodded almost imperceptibly and he turned back to the girl. She had not moved nor had she responded to his question, he took another shot at it, “Come on it can’t be less interesting than mechanical engineering. 

At his words her right hand relaxed and return to her lap and a small quirk of her lips occurred. “No, it’s not boring…” she trailed off but he would not let her go, “Well go on then,” he prompted, his eyes met hers and he breathed in a quick intake of breath as he saw a flash of fear run through them. 

It was gone in a second though and then she settled on a small smile, “I study the Liberal Arts,” she responded, adjusting her posture to a more upright position. She brought her chin up slightly and finally brought her eyes up to meet the stares of the Avengers collective. 

Tony let out a small huff of laughter and everyone else’s confused stares turned toward him, except for the girl - she was not confused. Her face had closed off, and he panicked, his words coming out louder and more rushed than he intended, 

“That’s bloody brilliant and yes,” he said to Clint, “I know I sound English,” turning back to her he said, “So you study history, political, science, philosophy, and literature all in relation to human nature and human culture?” 

During the small rant a war of emotions had flickered over her face and now she seemed speechless. She nodded a larger smile working up her lips. “Yes…how…?” she asked gazing at him in wonder. 

“I’m not just a pretty face sweetheart,” he said.

She laughed, and Gosh, Tony would do anything to get her to laugh again. It was a light laugh, not the type that has you rolling on the ground laughing but the type that signals familiarity and affection. She hopped off the table and went to stand in from it him, “Your sense of humour hasn’t changed one bit Daddy.” 

The term of endearment caught him off guard he had assumed that he would be Father or something impersonal. He had assumed that he would screw up his child, his daughter despite having Steve there to help him. In that moment he thought that maybe he would be okay at it. 

Maybe parenting was his thing. Without thinking he pulled her in for a hug, something he had been wanting to do ever since Bruce had come into the briefing room and told him about him about how the girl that had come through the portal had both his and Steve’s blood flowing through her veins.  
She looped her arms around him too after a momentary hesitation and she just breathed in. Sure, she was in 2015, over twenty years before she was born but her fathers were here and she was safe. Better yet she was home.


	2. Sam, not Samantha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing affiliated with the Marvel Universe, I simple take out the characters to play in my mind. Sam is my own creation though.

“So Samantha,” said Phil, who was promptly cut off, “Sam please Uncle.” 

“Sam,” he amended then did a double take, “Did you just call me Uncle?”

She blushed, “Sorry I’m just used to…”

“No” he said waving his arms, portably making the most energetic hand motions that the Avengers with the exception of his partner, Clint had ever seen him make, “It’s all good. It’s nice, I just didn’t expect..” he trailed off

“You’re all still friends and alive,” said Sam, her brown eyes clear and calming as she placed her hands on Phil’s hands and brought them back to the table. She squeezed his hands before letting go and then her eyes flew wide, “Was I allowed to say that?!” she exclaimed and those in her immediate vicinity could sense her panic.

“Hey “Hey, hey,” said Steve moving closer, “Breathe.”

She followed his instructions but tensed up at the proximity of all of them. They could see her trying to relax but despite everything she resumed the posture she had taken up before Tony had impulsively hugged her. She smiled again at them and said, “I’m fine." As that last syllable fell from her lips Tony’s heart sank.   
She seemed rather practiced at eschewing that particular statement. He grabbed Steve’s hand, the super soldier looking a little lost and hurt at their daughter’s abrupt return to tension when he had interceded. Tony leaned against him and pulled him closer, offering comfort through proximity and warmth. 

She recovered rather quickly, “I’m just not sure how much I can say, if you hadn’t run medical tests on me once I came through I probably wouldn’t have told you that I’m yours," Sam said looking sheepishly at her fathers. “I’m sorry,” she said again, she looked at Steve with worry in her eyes. Tony pushed him towards her and he moved, surprisingly. He put out his hand and Sam tentatively intertwined her fingers with his and he smiled.

“You shouldn’t have to censor yourself,” said Natasha, “From what Thor has told us of Asgard and of time travel he should be erased by now what with all of the time travel shenanigans they get up to there.”

The Avengers were all in shock that Natasha had just used the word shenanigans but it seemed that Sam completely overlooked this rare occasion. Maybe it was not so rare in her time of life.

“Is that true Thor?” Sam asked the god, who responded in the affirmative, “Yes! Truth has been spoken little Stark.”

“I’m not that little, I’m average for a woman my age.” retorted Sam, but her eyes were alight with happiness or what Tony hoped was happiness. “So, I can tell you things if I feel them pertinent?” she asked the crowd looking at everyone, specifically her fathers, but it was Clint who answered, “Even if they’re not pertinent Princess, with us in your life I’m sure you’ve got stories to tell.”

“That I do,” said Sam in a way that could have been threatening but for the quirk of her lips. 

Just then Bruce’ stomach grumbled and “We’ve been down here for 36 hours Tony,” he said speaking to his friend, “I think it’s time for food and sleep.” 

Tony’s eyes went wide as his attention snapped back to his daughter who had retreated back to the table Bruce had examined her on earlier after her movements around the group. ”I’ll still be here in the morning.” she responded meeting his eyes squarely, “I knows it” she spoke tapping her nose with her left hand. 

Tony let out another guffaw, “Alright - who’s feeling pizza?” 

The pizza arrived hot and steaming within ten minutes after Jarvis took everyone’s orders. The superheroes paid close attention to the preferences of their guest as she ordered with ease and great politeness from the AI. She even made a joke that the AI chuckled at, “So Jarvis is still around in your time?” asked Tony.

“Yes, although you’ve made some significant upgrades by the time I appear on the scene,” responded Sam. 

“Upgrades?” he queried curiously but Bruce interfered before he could ask more complicated questions, “Are you a vegetarian?”

Sam took the turn of conversation well and answered Bruce with a small shake of her head. “But the vegetables?” whined Clint, “How can you live without bacon?”

“I eat bacon,” she said, “Just not too often. I am always a little leery of meat that I haven’t seen cooked plus I just like vegetables. Except for onions,” she shuddered slightly. 

“There’s something wrong with your kid,” Clint remarked to Tony and Steve, “Vegetables pfft.”   
Sam’s fingers tensed slightly but she played off the motion by tapping the lab counter with her fingernails and rolled her eyes at Clint. 

His eyes met hers appraisingly causing her to blink and look away. “Let’s head up to the kitchen my comrades in arms,” he exclaimed as he pulled Phil towards the stairs. 

“Sir,” remarked Jarvis as the rest of the Avengers save Steve and Sam followed, “Miss Potts is her as is the pizza.” 

“Thank you Jarvis,” he said turning to look at Sam whose eyes were roaming around his shared lab with Bruce in interest. She wasn’t obvious about it though, and it struck him that he did not know if she had ever been down here in the future. He opened his mouth to ask her about it then decided against it. Steve cocked his head at him silently asking what was wrong but he shook his head and mouthed, “Later.” 

Steve nodded in acknowledgment and then cleared his throat, Sam seemed to snap out of her reverie quickly taking stock of the almost empty room and her eyes snapped to both of them tension evident in her posture. Then she relaxed, but she wasn’t fast enough she realized seeing the concerned look that passed between her fathers. She pretended not to notice.

“Sir, Agent Barton is demanding that all three of you get upstairs as soon as humanely possible. He apparently needs his food. Oh, and Miss Potts has been notified of the situation by Agent Coulson.”

“Thank you J,” Sam said, “We’d better get up there before Clint starts a riot with Thor,” she smiled slightly heading towards the lab doors. As she walked her fingers coasted over the tables and creations on display. She seemed curious but wary of the room. At the glass doors leading upstairs she glanced back over her shoulder. Then she stepped through the opened doors and disappeared. 

“What is it?” asked Steve going over to Tony who was staring at the doors with his lips set in a tight line. 

“I don’t know,” said Tony, but his eyes told a different story, a war of fear, anger, and guilt flickered over his face, “At least I hope I don’t,” he whispered. He shook his head similarly to how Sam had just a minute beforehand, “Let’s just get upstairs - we’ll talk with the team tomorrow.”

Steve nodded, as Tony made to walk by him though he placed a hand on the other man’s chest just over where the arc reactor would have been. Tony looked up at him his eyes tired and his face worried. Steve traced his cheek with a finger and gently kissed Tony on the forehead. 

Tony leaned forward and they held each other for a tender moment, both of them just breathing together, “Whatever this is we’ll get through it,” Tony murmured to Steve, lacing their fingers together comparable to how Steve and Sam had stood earlier. Steve squeezed their interlocked hands in acceptance of Tony’s pronouncement. They broke apart, both looking more fortified than they had beforehand. 

Steve caught the barest hint of twinkle in Tony’s eyes, “What?” he asked playfully as they strolled towards the door.

“We have a daughter Steve,” he responded, “That’s what.” A small smile quirked his lips up and it was mirrored on Steve’s face, “That we do.”


	3. It's a Pizza Party?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing affiliated with the Marvel Universe, I simple take out the characters to play in my mind. Sam is my own creation though.

Upon entering the kitchen Tony found himself doubting that asking the Avengers to move in after the Battle of New York was the decision of a sane man. The room was chaos. Clint had his feet kicked up on the island away from the pizza boxes with a half finished slice in his hand, Phil was next to him sitting properly in a chair with a knife, fork, and plate with two slices in front of him. He was talking to Thor who had four slices stacked on his right palm while he gesticulated with his left hand, which was clutching his Hammer. Natasha was perched upon the counter facing the rest of the company with Sam sitting next to her leaning against a corner cabinet so that she could see everyone. Bruce was leaning against the cabinets chatting with Nat while Sam surveyed their conversation. 

She was the first one to notice their arrival but it was Pepper who announced it as she walked down the hallway. “Fancy you two making an appearance in your own kitchen!” she exclaimed, “Hi, Steve,” she said kissing the super soldier on his cheek, “Tony,” she acknowledged hugging the man tightly. 

“So I’ve been introduced to that lovely young lady over here,” she gestured to Sam, which quieted everyone else's conversations, “Congratulations, it’s a girl!”  
Sam ducked her head to try and hide her blush, which she should not have even tried to do because of course Nat noticed. “Steve she looks like you when Phil had you sign his trading cards.”

“I stand by that request,” stated Phil while a series of chuckles made its way throughout the room. Sam bit her lip but there was no fear in her eyes, a touch of embarrassment perhaps but that made Tony relax a little more. 

He pulled Steve, who was now also blushing, over to the counter and pushed a box towards the super soldier. Steve gladly took a piece of pizza while Tony thrust a napkin at him. 

“Plate?” offered Sam, placing two plates from the cabinet behind her on the countertop. She lifted one up to hand to Steve but only nudged the other one closer to Tony. Her fingers ghosted over the plate and its edges before she pushed it once more to sit around two inches from her Dad. 

Tony froze, staring at the plate while Pepper and Steve had a furious conversation with their eyes. They both seemed to be asking the same thing, “Was Tony not better in the future?”

Sam noticed the tension and opened her mouth when Tony choked out a quip, “So I guess old habits die hard?” He sought to make a joke and keep his tone casual but he could tell that it had fallen flat. 

“No,” said Sam quietly, and Tony’s head snapped up, “It’s just I figured that at this time you still wouldn’t be completely on board with being handed stuff…” she trailed off, unable to read the expression on her dad’s face. He picked the plate up off the counter tossing a slice onto it and fixed her with another inscrutable look. 

“To clarify,” he said, “I do get over this then,” he gestured to the empty place on the counter where the plate had been sitting. 

Sam nodded slowly, a light blush staining her cheeks again, “Pops handed me to you just after I was born, you didn’t even notice. At least that’s what he says,” she finished awkwardly looking at Steve and then Tony again. A genuine smile decorated her dad’s face while Steve was looking at both Tony and Sam with great pride.

“Damn life just sounds hunky dory in the future,” exclaimed Pepper as she clapped her hands, “Tell me more,” she requested as she grabbed Sam’s hand pulling her towards the common area just off the kitchen. Natasha followed a glint of mischief in her eyes while Bruce looked torn between pursuing the women and going to his room to sleep. Shaking his head with murmurs about time traveling children and once in a lifetime opportunities he went after the trio with Thor bounding along beside him. 

Clint clapped Tony on the shoulder, “See Stark, what do I always say? Always look on the bright side of life!” he warbled in an awful impression of the song made famous by Monty Python. He then skipped out of the kitchen to join Phil who was waiting at their end of the couch in the common room. 

“You okay?” Steve asked as he and Tony both made their way to the common room. Tony nodded, he didn’t trust his voice to not crack so he just nodded emphatically in answer to Steve’s question. 

Just then Jarvis’ voice sounded above Pepper’s excited remarks and questions that Sam was barely understanding let alone keep up with, “Sir, War Machine, Sergeant Barnes, and Falcon have all just returned from their mission and are making their way back here should I inform them of the situation?”  
Tony looked at Steve who was finally eating his pizza and just shrugged, “Uh,” he turned to the room at large, “Suggestions?”

“No, it’ll be easier to explain it to them when they get here,” said Phil.

“Explain what?” asked a deep, hearty voice from the elevator. The doors opened to reveal Sam, Rhodes, and Bucky all seemingly intact given that their mission had been a simple extraction that was to be expected. However, the original Avengers all let out silent sighs of relief that their newest team members were all right. 

“What’d we miss?” queried Sam as he walked into the room, “Pizza!” he cried happily noting the piece on Tony's plate, “Y’all know how to throw a welcome back party - you could say something you know,” he chattered away glancing back at his comrades for support. Bucky however, had noticed the new face and snapped his fingers to get Falcon’s attention. 

“What?” demanded Falcon who then saw the young woman sitting with Pepper looking extremely uncomfortable under all of the scrutiny, “Who are you?”

“You look familiar,” said Colonel Rhodes as he spoke for the first time since entering.

“God, is there any portion of today that will not be extremely tense and awkward for this poor girl!” interjected Natasha impatient with the obvious way that Sam Stark was trying to appear as unobtrusive as possible, “She’s Tony and Steve’s daughter from the future. Now go get some damn pizza, stop staring, and then get back in here so we can explain this situation.”

The men in the room all jumped at her words while Pepper nodded. Rhodes ducked into the kitchen and quickly returned with a box of pizza, which he arranged on the coffee table for his teammates to partake in with him. Falcon draped himself on the carpet a couple of feet from Sam fixing her with a curious look that he stopped only when Nat kicked him in the shin; her eyes were flashing at him and her mouth in a thin line.   
Bucky though hadn’t moved and Sam forced herself to meet his eyes. “Buck?” asked Steve lightly; his tone was firm but careful. He wasn’t sure what to make of the interaction going on between his best friend and his daughter. 

“Yup?” he responded a brilliant grin on his voice, “You need something   
Rogers?” Tony laughed at that and shook his head as Steve sighed loudly, “No, just sit down Buck.”

“Can do buddy,” he walked over and settled on the couch where Pepper and Sam had been sitting. During Steve and Bucky’s short exchange though Sam had moved to sit on the floor leaning back against the couch. Nat noticed how the girl seemed calmer on the ground and stored that information away to go over later. 

Sam snatched up the last turkey bacon slice of pizza from the box Rhodey had brought out and wordlessly handed it to Bucky. He accepted it with a nod of acknowledgement but before he bit into it he spoke, “What’s your name kid?”

“Samantha but most people call me Sam or Carter,” she replied easily. She acted more naturally around Bucky than she had around anyone else all day.   
“You named your kid after him? I’m touched,” joked Rohedy pointing a finger at Falcon. 

“Well, what did you want her to be called, Rhododendron?” demanded Falcon, and Sam burst out laughing. 

“You’re both still so freakin' ridiculous!” and she was laughing again, heartily this time. Tony couldn’t help the grin that appeared on his face at the time.   
“She’s not wrong,” said Bucky grinning at his teammates who were sputtering in response to her words. 

“I wasn’t named after you,” Sam conceded to Falcon once she regained her faculties, “I was named after a television character…a witch from the 1960s/70s era show Bewitched. It was what Dad and Pops watched while I was growing in the genetically engineered womb Dad created.”

“So that’s how we did it,” remarked Tony and Sam smiled at him. 

“Why Carter?” queried Bucky, nudging the young woman with his foot that she casually swatted. 

“Why do think?” she shot back playfully tapping his metal arm with three fingers lightly. He gazed at her in awe, she wasn’t afraid at all of him, and she drew back slowly seeing his confusion. A flicker of anxiety, fearing she had pushed too far flashed across her face and that was enough for Bucky to slide down and sit next to her looping his metal arm around her shoulders. She almost curled up against him as if seeking solace. 

Steve wasn’t sure how he felt about this sudden development, after all of the tension and fear she had conveyed to the rest of the Avengers she was contentedly sitting with his best friend. Steve didn’t want to admit it but he was jealous. Why wasn’t she afraid of him? He knew that thought was cruel, Bucky dealt with enough prejudice on a daily basis that he deserved some real acceptance. Still, she was his daughter, not Bucky’s. Tony could see the turmoil in Steve’s mind and instead of addressing it just knotted their hands together. For his part he was happy that Sam seemed comfortable with someone at least. Sure, it was unexpected but was he jealous? No, no, not at all. 

“Peggy,” said Phil to break the quiet that had fallen over the room, looking at Sam, “Just to be clear you’re called Carter because of…”

“The one and only Peggy Carter, yes, after Pops’ best girl and Dad’s favourite aunt. So yes, Carter is a nickname that I will respond to. Especially, since you’re here,” she gestured at Falcon, “If I didn’t have a nickname it would get confusing."

“Carter,” said Pepper as if tasting the name on her tongue, “I like that.”  
“Me too, it’s almost as good as Sam,” said Falcon. Bucky chuckled warmly and Sam just snuggled closer to him. He looked at her in wonder at how relaxed and happy she seemed, especially considering she had been thrown back in time. He tried to catch Steve’s eye to ask something but his best friend wouldn’t face him. Tony on the other hand noticed his attempts. He tipped his head toward Steve and rolled his eyes, Bucky got it. Steve was being difficult; he would talk to him later. 

“How old are you?” asked Rhodey bringing Bucky’s attention back to the situation at hand. 

“Nineteen, going on twenty in November,” Carter replied.

“How far along are you in your degree?” queried Bruce.

“I’m going into my third year and I’ll be graduating in my fourth year,” she answered.

Tony then posed the question, “And what will you do after that?”

She didn’t reply right away, instead she fiddled a bit with her hands and Nat noted that once again her right hand was tucked away behind her, nails scratching at her palm. “I’m hoping to get my masters and then my PhD,” she said quietly, not looking at anyone particularly Tony. She even tensed up in Bucky’s embrace.

“Well, that’s quite the career path. Chip off the old block eh Tony?” remarked Rhodey. Tony didn’t respond though. He only had eyes for Carter who seemed extremely uncomfortable and he knew in the rational part of him that it was late, that they should not get into anything heavy now, but to hell with it he wanted to know what was making his daughter so scared. But Bruce beat him to it, “So we’ve verified the emergence of Tony’s DNA in your life - what kind of effects does the serum have on you?” Now, normally Bruce was the most sensitive of all of the Avengers but his excitement had overshadowed his regular tact. 

At that question Carter went stock still, moving only to push herself up off of the floor to stand in front of the large window looking out over the city. Her hands were clenched at her side, shaking, “None,” she whispered so quietly none of them could hear her. Nat, and Clint had taken up defensive positions behind her she knew because it’s what they always do when she found herself like this recently. She shook her head violently trying to keep the voices away but she still heard them. 

Pops was always first. “Breathe. F**k stop screwing up. You’re supposed to be the daughter of a f**king super soldier. You’re not even a soldier.” The voice got louder and she scratched at her palms discreetly but, “I guess you’re not my daughter then,” hissed the harsh voice of her Pops.

Carter realized that Pepper was calling her, she felt herself coming back from the memory. She whirled around to answer Bruce, taking no note of the concern and fear painting the faces of the Avengers, “None. That is the answer to your question Dr. Banner. When I was seven I had my IQ tested; I am no genius. I am not my father’s daughter. As for the serum, one would have better luck recovering any affects of it from you than they would from me. Again, I am nothing like my father. I am not who I should be and I know that. And…” her voice cracked, “I’m so sorry.” Then she ran.


	4. Help Her, Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Marvel universe (MCU) or its characters they just like to romp around in my creative space sometimes so I let them. Sam Stark is my own creation though. This work has no beta so please if you see an error point it out to me. *Virtual hugs and cookies for all of you readers!*

The room was slow to react except for Nat who watched as the Jarvis powered elevator took Carter down. “Jarvis direct her to the guest room next to mine,” ordered Nat. 

“I have done so Miss Romanova,” replied Jarvis, “I am however, concerned for young Miss Stark’s health as she seems to be suffering from some sort of attack.”

“It’s a hallucination,’ responded Nat, her voice was like steel, “Keep her there Jarvis. If she shows signs of suicidal tendencies alert me as soon as possible.”  
The Avengers all looked at her in shock as she dealt with the situation with all of the emotion of an iceberg.

“I’ve seen this before,” she said shortly, her hand shaking as she went over to Tony and Steve. The former was white, shaking almost uncontrollably while the latter had blank eyes trying to understand, “Where?” asked Rhodey.

“Hydra,” spat Bucky, Nat nodded and added, “The Red Room.”

“Memory manipulation?” Bucky asked her through gritted teeth and again she nodded. 

“How?” asked Phil, “I thought we dropped them all last Fall.”

“It doesn’t have to be them, someone could just have cracked the code, but that’s not important,” said Nat, firmly redirecting the conversation. 

“The point is that our daughter is hurting,” said Tony, his voice surprisingly level despite all of his shaking, “We need to know what they did to her. We need to know what she’s seeing.”

“Jarvis can pull up surveillance and audio can he not?” stated Clint, staring fixedly at the elevator where Carter had disappeared.

“Yes, I can sir but I must warn you - Miss Stark seems to be in great distress and Sir, Captain she’s referencing both of you…I thought you should know before…”

“Pull it up Jarvis,” demanded Tony taking on the steel of Nat’s voice. 

“I’ll canvass the area,” said Clint, “Climbing towards the air vents. Jarvis pipe into my comm please,” he requested as he settled his combat earpiece that doubled as a hearing aid into his ear. He winced as he listened to the sobs of the young woman but continued on his journey upwards.

Once in the vents he progressed quickly toward the room Carter was in while the others watched the television set in the common room.  
Carter had barely made it into the room before she realized what she had done and then her dad’s voice was upon her. 

“I cannot believe I created something so useless,” and she curled in upon herself on the floor trying to block out the words. She could hear and the uneven footsteps walking toward her. A crash sounded. A bottle, a glass she didn’t want to know but she could smell the alcohol. ‘No!’ screamed her inner voice, ‘He doesn’t drink. You’ve never seen him drink let alone get drunk.’ Her rationality was permeating her mind and she began to unroll realizing the stupidity of her actions when a palm connected with her face. The memory grabbed hold of her again. Her face burned, “Please Dad,” she pleaded trying to avoid antagonizing him further.  
“Shut up. God can’t you just shut up for one minute! It’s bad enough that you’ve failed something but now you want me to just let it go? No, I don’t need this - get out of my sight.” 

Carter didn’t move, afraid of triggering another slap, but then came the kick. She buckled forward hands out in front to break her fall. Glass tore into her palms making her bleed. He hadn’t seen yet so she struggled up toward the door. But upon reaching it the doors wouldn’t open and by then he noticed, “Stupid B**ch. Get out!” and he shoved her against the glass. She fall backwards and cracked her head.   
Carter fell and all she could she see were the doors closing behind the retreating figure of her father. 

In the common room Tony stumbled back as a force overtook him and he fell into what Bruce would later identify as a vision.

Then it all shifted, just for a minute but Carter found herself sitting on the steps outside of Tony’s lab. Watching but nor daring to enter. Of course he saw her and came to the doors, extended his hand, and pulled her into a hug. “You’re always welcome here sweetheart.”

She was holding a letter in her hands, “What’s that honey?” asked her Dad.  
“I’m not smart,” she said showing him the letter from the IQ testing place Pepper had suggested they send Carter in the interest of learning more about their daughter. 

“This doesn’t mean that,” said Tony rather angrily, he wasn’t happy with Pepper at that point. 

“Yes, it does,” she argued, “I’m sorry,” she added. 

Her Dad took her by the shoulders, knelt down to look her in the eye and told her, “Never apologize for not being like anybody else. You are smart Carter. You read that entire letter with all of its complicated words and understood it. You are smart. And I will always be proud of you.”

In the common room Tony snapped back to reality to see his teammates and boyfriend trying to wake him. He looked at Natasha, “You saw it,” she said.  
“Some of it, it wasn’t…” he was unsure of how to proceed.

“You saw the real memory,” Bucky told him, “They’ll be fighting in her head for dominance right now. That’s not odd.”

Tony blinked back tears at how his daughter had been so easily persuaded of her uselessness. “Tony,” Natasha said gently, “We’re going to need to go over what you saw and compare to what she experienced before.” He nodded, then noticed that Bruce was nowhere to be found. 

“He went to her, she cracked her head rather hard on the wall. She’ll be given a sedative that’ll see her through till tomorrow,” Steve answered his unasked question.

Again Tony nodded. He stood, still shaking when Bruce returned, “Clint is still in vents. He volunteered to take first watch, Nat will be next, then Phil, and then Bucky,” the Doctor rattled off the list, “Not you two,” he apologetically told Steve and Tony, “Not until we know what triggers her. You have to sleep, for her if not for yourselves.”

“We can debrief tomorrow Tony,” Nat confirmed, “Go sleep - all of us should go sleep. Take a sedative from Bruce if you need it.” She tossed a bottle of pills at Steve and Tony, “We will figure this out,” she promised. 

***************  
As Nat relieved Clint from his watch duty with a brief mutter in his ear she slunk around him to stare down through the vent into the room where Carter was currently ‘resting’ as Bruce put it. As Clint wormed his way back through the vents Nat contemplated the young woman sleeping below her as her left hand fiddled with the screws holding the vent in place. Just as she was working on the last screw the door to the room opened and a flash of silver caught her eye. Bucky slid into the room silently closing the door behind him and then he shot a glance at the vent. As if he could see Nat in the shadowy room he quirked an eyebrow at her and gestured for her to come down. 

“Can’t sleep?” she asked as she dropped down from the vent’s opening, speaking quietly as she shot a glance at the still prone form of Carter. 

Bucky nodded and picked his way over to the bed Carter was on. He seemed to debate sitting on the bed or beside it when the young woman turned in her sleep. “Clint said she was getting fitful,” Nat whispered choosing to settle by the legs of the young Stark, “It’s probably the meds.”

Bucky settled himself on the ground by Carter’s head and winced when he saw a light bruise of the crest of her cheek, “It’s like someone slapped her,” he spoke in a sickened tone. Nat nodded and as Carter tossed a little on the bed again they both saw her bandaged hands, “Bruce told me her hands were bleeding, like she had held broken glass between her fingers,” she paused, “I think this one was about Tony.”  
Bucky’s head shot up at her words, “Why?”

“The glass, the abuse, there’s a bruise on her right side not dissimilar to a kick. It’s textbook Howard Stark…Tony’s worst fear. You saw how he was tonight…he has always been afraid of turning out like his father and now he thinks he has proof of his worst fear,” responded Nat as she ghosted a hand over Carter’s side. 

The girl was curling in on herself as if on reflex despite the sedative it seemed the cobwebs of memories still permeated her brain. A particularly violent twist in the bed caused Nat to bracket Carter’s head before she knocked into Bucky. The soldier stretched out his metal arm and ran a tentative finger down Carter's cheek in an attempt to be comforting. Shockingly, the woman did relax back into the restful prone position Nat had first observed her in.   
Bucky kept his hand near her face, stroking her hair softly as if she was a fragile precious thing. Nat mused that she was, Carter was a symbol of their future, a future yet to come, one that none of them had even hoped to dream for and yet now she was here, in the flesh. But Carter wasn’t whole; there was something wrong and if Nat did one truly good thing in her life she wanted it to be helping the young woman currently sleeping beside her. 

When Phil came to relieve her of her shift he did not seem surprised that she had taken up a catlike guard position at the foot of the bed while Bucky dozed beside Carter, his hands still carding gently through her hair. He simply patted her on the arm a gesture, which conveyed much more sympathy than it seemed to yet she still left the two people in the bed grudgingly. 

Phil’s shift was quiet, mostly. He spent his time observing Bucky and Carter, the little Stark seemed quiet. By the time the sun began to rise Bucky was sitting upright on Carter’s bed, hands still carding through her hair and Phil had long since gone to catch some shut eye. 

Carter was still asleep but Bucky could tell she wasn’t far from regaining consciousness. Part of him hoped that he would be the only around when she woke up, for some reason he felt that she trusted him. Implicitly. And that obviously was what was irking his best friend. Bucky had never seen Steve act as passive towards him as he had last night with the exception of the time Steve had assumed that Bucky was hitting on Tony. Yeah, that had been a riot. Bucky snorted quietly at the memory of how hilarious it had been to watch Steve struggle with not strangling him as Tony worked on improving his arm or when the pair of them had taken on tinkering with new gadgets. 

“You were only trying to get to know Dad better weren’t you?” asked a quiet voice from next to him. Bucky used all of his training to not jump at the sudden interruption from Carter, “How long have you been awake?” he asked instead of answering her. 

“You first,” she replied quietly.

 

Steve knew he shouldn’t leave Tony alone at a time like this but while his husband was sleeping, as peacefully as he could under the influence of sleeping pills, the serum’s effect on his own metabolism meant he could not take part in the same uneasy peace. The sun was just rising and he knew that sleep would evade him until he received any answers to his questions so he decided to check on Carter; he just wanted to make sure she hadn’t disappeared during the night. Not that he mistrusted his friends, “Well, maybe Bucky…” he shook his head the minute the thought entered his mind but it wouldn’t be dislodged so easily. Steve knew he was being stupid, he knew that Bucky would always be with him until the end of line but he couldn’t stop the irrational jealousy that surged through him when he thought of how relaxed Carter had been with his best friend. “And how she tensed up around you,” supplied the same little voice in his head prodding at his self-esteem and his anger. Then Bucky’s voice pierced through his inner monologue and Steve realized that he had arrived at the room they had put Carter in, Phil had left the door cracked for air and light when he had left. Steve leaned next to the door listening, despite his morals and his mother’s words about eavesdropping being the Devil’s work, he listened to them talk. 

Bucky conceded her point with a tip of his head then did a double take at the young woman next to him who had pushed herself into a sitting position that mirrored his own. “How did you know what I was thinking about?” he queried and then followed up with a concerned look at her face, “How are you feeling?” 

“I’ve been awake since Phil left,” she stated in an off-hand manner, “And I’ll be fine. I’ve had worse,” both Bucky and Steve inhaled silently and angrily, “Don’t even go there,” she growled lightly, “I’m not talking about anything if you won’t listen.” 

Bucky relaxed slightly, pulling her closer, “Okay.”

“I still haven’t figured out how this memory thing is able to manifest physical evidence on my body, it’s some advanced tech/magic stuff that’s flowing around in my body,” she winced a touch as she readjusted her position, “As for what you were thinking of – I’m not psychic or anything – yes, I can see those wheels turning in your head. I did however grow up around a variety of super spies who have trained me to observe people since I was younger than five. So to clarify, you were trying to get to know Dad back then?” 

“Yeah. It wasn’t that I didn’t like your dad I just wanted to make sure…” he trailed off when Carter picked up his sentence, “Make sure he loved Pops more than the sun and the moon?”

“Something like that,” said Bucky smiling, “It threw Steve for a loop though.”

“He’s angry,” responded Carter, her voice quiet, wavering slightly, “He doesn’t understand.” Steve closed his eyes at the tone of Carter’s voice and slid silently down to a sitting position beside the open door, head in his hands. 

“To be honest Carter, I don’t fully understand why you’re so comfortable with me,” the sound of feet hitting the floor reached Steve’s ears along with a small gasp of pain. He deduced that Carter had moved from Bucky’s embrace and part of him rejoiced in her obvious yet sudden discomfort in the presence of his friend. The other part of him strained to hear his daughter’s words. 

The sound of running water brought him back to his mind and then the same feet padded back into the room, “Sorry,” said Carter, “I just needed to freshen up – the bruise isn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” she continued speaking as if she was talking to herself. “I trust you because I told you, only you, in my timeline,” she declared suddenly, “I haven’t seen anyone from our family in 10 months. After I told you I left.”

“Why me?” asked Bucky, his voice tight and Steve felt his heart clench at the pain in his friend’s voice.

“I didn’t intend to, believe me. My plans were already in place to leave too by the way so that’s not your fault…you found me after an attack, about two months before I left, and it’s not exactly easy to hide the evidence of one all the time,” huffed Carter in a frustrated tone, “I think you thought I was in an abusive relationship or something. I slipped up and I told you. I’m sorry for everything that happened last night; I didn’t think.”

Another pair of feet padded across the floor, the step heavier and slower as if Bucky was trying not to scare her off, “It’s okay. I mean it’s not okay to lie to your parents or your family. However, I’m honoured that you trust me. I’ll be here for you in this time too.” 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Barnes,” whispered Carter, “You should go. I’ll be down in a few minutes.” Her tone was closed off, hard like Tony’s used to get when he would lock himself in his workshop and drink scotch after scotch. 

“Carter,” started Bucky, not wanting to let the girl off so easily, but she stopped him cold, “Go.” A door closed and water started up again, Steve could only assume that Carter had gone to take a shower. He could hear Bucky sigh, defeated sounding and his heart went out to his best friend. Steve pushed himself up off the ground to stand just as Bucky exited Carter’s room. Despite the worry and pain etched on his face Bucky tossed him an unsurprised smile and cocked his head to the elevator, “We should wait for her downstairs.” Steve nodded, trying to catch Bucky’s eye as they walked down the hallway together. 

Once they stepped into the elevator and it had begun to move Bucky spoke, “Jarvis can you stop us for a minute?”

“Certainly Sergeant Barnes,” replied the AI and the elevator stopped on the floor between Carter’s room and the main living area for the team. Bucky turned to Steve and fixed him with a look that said ‘I know you were listening – have out with it’ while Steve cleared his throat to dispel the guilt rising up in his throat. 

“I just wanted,” he began, “I know you just wanted to check on her Steve but you also wanted to know what she would tell me. It bugs you – admit it and then we can move on,” stated Bucky. 

“I heard everything,” Steve said in reply and Bucky started at that, “I know I can be an idiot sometimes – I just wanted to make sure that I, that she…” he trailed off. Bucky nodded though, he understood. He knew that Steve was worried that Carter was scared of him, hated him, and who knew what else the super soldier’s brain had cooked up while he walked up to the room. “I was jealous and I apologize,” Steve stated, “Please Buck, help me help my daughter.” Bucky looked at his best friend and hugged him tightly in response, “I’m with you till the end of the line Stevie, that includes your family too.” Steve nodded and looking less distraught than before asked Jarvis to continue their journey downstairs.


	5. Attempted Hacking (Or the story of how Stony's Daughter has Tony's Taste in Music)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters from the MCU are not mine. Nothing from Marvel is mine I just like to play around with the characters to help me get through the times when I'm stuck inside my own head. Sam Stark is mine though. Also, this work has no beta - if you spot an error let me know.

Tony met them at the elevator doors. His smile was tired, fake, but his eyes were alert. Upon seeing both Bucky and Steve he relaxed marginally and clapped Bucky into a one armed hug before going to kiss Steve good morning. Steve clung to Tony in their embrace keeping the man close to him for several heartbeats longer than usual but Tony did not protest, “Jarvis says that she’s on her way down,” murmured the billionaire as he broke apart from his husband but kept their hands entwined. 

When the trio walked into the kitchen the first thing Tony noticed was Bruce fiddling with a laptop that was clearly not Stark Industries property. “Banner my man,” exclaimed the billionaire, glad of a distraction, “How often do I have to tell you if something breaks you don’t have to buy from the competition – just charge it to the company.”

Bruce turned to face his science bro and fixed him with a half-hearted glare, “It’s not my laptop Tony, it’s Carter’s.” The scientist blushed when everyone else in the room fixed him with surprised looks, “A bag travelled through with her and I just wanted to make sure nothing in it was dangerous,” he said defensively. 

“Sure you did Bruce,” remarked Clint, winking at the man, “You know curiosity isn’t a bad thing…stealing and hacking can be justified too I suppose,” he continued thoughtfully, “Although I’m sure that Jean Valjean would have something to say about that particular assumption.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter what any fictional character would have to say about me because I can’t log in,” replied Bruce huffily. Tony went over to him along with Natasha who was intrigued by the new tech. Tentatively Nat typed something into the password bar and for a moment her entry appeared to be accepted until the opening bars of AC/DC’s Back in Black began to sound from the laptop. The words, ‘Well that worked out well,’ were emblazoned on the screen.

“Good job Nat,” sighed Bruce whose tolerance for AC/DC was only being cultivated at the moment by Tony and hearing it so early in the morning was not his idea of a good start to the day. 

“And unless you plan on cutting off my left thumb you won’t ever be able to log in,” remarked Carter from behind the kitchen island, raising her voice slightly to be heard above the song. She smirked lightly at the entire crew in kitchen and then made her way towards the fridge. Dressed in a pair of comfortable looking sweatpants and a light hoodie emblazoned with a crest none of them were familiar with she looked relaxed. Her hair hung loosely about her face as if she just could not be bothered with it but Nat noticed that she had pinned it so that the bruise on her cheek was mostly hidden. The rest of the evidence she had taken away with some simple make up, Nat was proud of how easily Carter had adapted. But it also caused her gut to twist a little, “How often has she covered up important things in future so that we won’t worry?” she wondered. 

She opened her mouth to ask the young woman something, anything to defuse the tension she felt mounting in the large kitchen area as everyone else chose that moment to stare at the young Stark. Except her fathers Nat noticed, Tony wouldn’t even acknowledge her presence and Steve, he was marginally better but he still wasn’t looking at Carter straight on. His gaze seemed fixed on an area right above his daughter’s left shoulder. 

Carter let out a quiet sigh and turned away from the fridge to take a seat at the table where Bruce, Tony, and Nat were located. She selected a chair straight across from her father and fixed him with a piercing gaze. Clasping her hands together and placing them on the table she waited a moment before speaking. In that instance the music coming from her laptop changed, “Show me how to lie, you’re getting better all the time,” exclaimed the singer of a band the rest of the group seemed to be unfamiliar with, except Tony. His eyes snapped up to his daughter’s face and she returned his gaze steadily. Turning the laptop towards her Carter swiped her left thumb over the touch pad and the music turned off. “You’re Gonna Go Far Kid,” she said, “It’s by ‘The Offspring’.”

Tony nodded, “I know,” and then made a motion as if to duck his head. From the moment they had started looking at each other he had been searching her face and seeing her cheek mostly obscured by a hairstyle he had no doubt was intentional Tony tried to break eye contact with her. 

“Look at me,” said Carter, her tone neutral and slowly he complied, “It’s okay to look at me. I’m okay,” she emphasized the last two words. Tony didn’t seem to know how to respond to her so she took his silence as an invitation to add something, “I’ve never seen you drink you know,” she whispered, “And I have certainly never seen you drunk,” she spoke so quietly that the team strained to catch her words. They were only clear to Tony, and considering that was who they were meant for it was alright by Carter if he was the only one who ever heard her. 

“This isn’t your fault,” she declared, louder this time, “No matter happens while I’m here and no matter what any of you hear if I go into a fit – none of it is your fault.” At this she fixed each member of the team with a hard stare, her hazel eyes meeting Steve’s blue ones last, “I don’t blame anyone so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t treat me as fragile or anything, okay?” Carter huffed out a puff of air, she obviously hadn’t intended on getting into such a touchy subject so early in the morning but it was done. 

It was Tony who spoke first surprisingly, “Okay,” he said simply, fixing his daughter with a tired but determined gaze. She nodded and that action seemed to pop the balloon of tension that had caused the rest of the team to stay away from the interaction. The tension didn’t exactly evaporate it still hung over group like a wary and scary cloud but that reaction was better than nothing. With that Sam padded over to the refrigerator and pulled out Greek yogurt, strawberries, and blueberries, she turned around to survey the room. People were still sitting rather stiffly although Bruce and Thor were valiantly trying to start conversations. She seemed on the verge of rolling her eyes but repressed it at the last moment. Nat snorted at the young woman who met her eyes and the two of them shared a small smirk. “Looking for something?” asked Nat. 

“Bowls?” queried Carter but before Nat could reply Jarvis jumped in with an answer and as he pointed out other ingredients to the younger Stark it became clear that she was making pancakes. As the semi-awkward silence continued Sam pursed her lips and stole over to the laptop that had been playing music earlier and double tapped the touchpad. A series of playlists popped up on the screen, satisfied with her work she slip the piece of tech over to Bruce, “I’m assuming you still love music now as much as you do in my time, feel free to browse, and no, I’m not giving you access to anything popular past this year.”


	6. Clint's Cleverer Than People Give Him Credit For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marvel is not mine. I'm just borrowing these characters for a little bit. :)

With that done she resumed her post by the sink mixing her batter, a few more seconds of silence permeated the room until the opening chords of One Prairie Outpost by Carbon Leaf sounded. “Which one is that?” she asked, “I have so many playlists I forget why I create them sometimes – that’s why they’re all titled,” she spoke to the room at large. 

“The Morning After Prom,” responded Bruce, “Was it a good night?” he queried tentatively.

Carter paused in her actions as she seemed to ponder Bruce’s question when Clint decided he’d gotten over the awkward feelings in the room and interjected, “Keep in mind if it was a good night,” he placed air quotes around the last two words, “Your parents and relevant parental figures might not want to hear the details.”

“Relevant parental figures?” quoted Carter looking at Clint with fond frustration.

“I figure at least one of us is a godparent or something so yeah, I stand by my choice of words,” quipped the archer, “And you’re avoiding the question so I’m going to assume…” he let his words trail off as he waggled his eyebrows. 

Phil and Carter both snorted at him, while the rest of the team actually decided to take seats in the kitchen with the intention of being in a better position to listen to Carter. Everyone that is except Steve took a seat somewhere, the super-soldier went to the fridge and took out various juices for his teammates. Once those were on the table he went to the coffeemaker to begin measuring the grounds, and Steve hated making coffee - but he needed to occupy his hands as he waited for Carter’s answer to Clint’s question. Even though he may have only had his daughter in his life for less than 48 hours he did not like to idea of her sleeping with anyone, let alone hearing about it happening on prom night of all times!

“It’s always about sex with you isn’t it?” Carter remarked, trying to stall answering Clint as her Pops tried to flit about keeping busy. At her response Sam mimed placing earplugs on Tony’s head as the man in question absently batted the Falcon away from his head, “I am not a delicate flower with virginal ears,” Tony reprimanded him. 

“That’s for sure,” agreed Pepper who appeared by Carter’s side and was pulling fruit from the fridge for the pancake batter. 

“Y’all are so ridiculous,” murmured Carter, in a louder voice she said, “No, it was not that kind of ‘good night,’ neither prom was like that. It was fun, and senior year was definitely the time that I learned who my real friends were – especially on that night. Some people just ditched me and others really stepped up to the plate. Prom, both of them, were memorable for me.”

“Both?” queried Pepper who was now attentively watching butter melt on the griddle.

“I went in my junior and senior year – junior year was to help out a friend whose girlfriend had just dumped him,” replied Carter who began to measure out ladles of batter and dropped them on the griddle that hissed in reply, “And no, Clint we didn’t date afterward either.”

“Not your team?” asked the archer bluntly.

Tony and Nat both fixed him with deadly glares while Steve’s eyes found his daughter’s face. Her eyes were slightly widen as if surprised and while she appeared uneasy Carter answered his question, “Not exactly. Well, I’m not exactly like that.” She fumbled for words and took the chance to load up a plate of pancakes for the table. As she placed the plate in front of Tony and the rest of the Avengers Steve snagged a seat near his husband while Bruce paused the music playing. “This shouldn’t be so hard, I mean it’s not like it was difficult the first time,” muttered Carter more to herself than anyone else but her fathers caught every word, “I identify as asexual, and I swear to goodness if any of you says ‘Like a plant?’ I will throw something. It means that I don’t feel sexual attraction, it has nothing to do with my emotions or ability to love other people – or even my aesthetic attraction to them I just don’t want to sex up every pretty person I see, okay?” Her words rushed out in a jumble but thankfully the team could understand where she was coming from and for the first time that morning Thor spoke, “Well said young Stark! Love is what matters – and it is expressed in many ways.” 

Carter inclined her head towards the god but kept one eye on her dads. Surprisingly, Clint was the one to save her, “So you don’t have to worry about protecting her virtue and all that jazz mate,” he nudged Steve, “Cheer up that’ll add like seven years to your life.” At Carter’s laugh the rest of the table chuckled and Steve just shook his head at his teammate with a smile on his face, “I highly doubt that’ll stop him worrying about anything,” remarked Tony who had bitten into a pancake already, “These are super good by the way child of mine.”

Carter blushed and smiled at her Dad’s praise. He pushed a plate of fruit and pancakes toward her and at that everyone else started eating. “You’re right, Pops worries a lot (about ridiculous things mind you) and no, telling you both about me did not help him worry less. Unfortunately.” 

“Isn’t that my prerogative as a father?” said Steve brandishing a bit of pancake on his fork as he made his point. Carter inclined her head to acknowledge his point, “But you two combined should honestly considering writing films with M. Night Shyamalan because you come up with the craziest fears and scenarios.”

Bucky who hadn’t spoken much since being dismissed by Carter that morning decided to wade back into the conversation, “You a Shyamalan fan?”

“Not really but you could say I’ve got an eclectic taste in movies. I’ve seen everything from Disney to Woody Allen – when I was growing up each of you would trade off on picking a movie on Friday nights,” she responded.

“Favourite movie?” he asked.

It was as if Carter didn’t have to think, “Kelly’s Heroes.” 

He paused in his chewing to fix her with a surprised look, it was known among the team that since Bucky had seen that same movie three weeks ago that he could quote it word for word. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind about whose choice that movie night had been. 

Carter ducked her head after speaking and ever so carefully shrunk in on herself, away from Steve. She could feel the tension radiating from her Pops even though he was trying to keep it at bay. Instead of letting her shrink away, the action alone made Steve’s heart feel as if it had been stabbed with an ice pick, he spoke, “Well, at least it isn’t something horrible like Gosford Park.”   
“True,” replied Carter quietly, still not looking at anyone in particular having decided at that moment that her plate was supremely interesting, “The Brits really let me down with that movie.”

“Sweetheart, they let everyone down with that film,” interjected Tony, too focused on easing the tension between his spouse and daughter to notice the bright wonder in her eyes at his use of the term of endearment. 

As breakfast came to a close and everyone’s plates were cleared, compliments were passed to Carter, and Phil took Sam and Thor to clean up the kitchen. Well, Thor was there for moral support, he was more likely to break something than help clean it.


	7. Wishes Don't Make Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own no part of the MCU universe - I'm just procrastinating and trying to focus on something other than my life right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: This chapter contains a small amount of violence and loads of angst. Prepare yourself.

Carter stayed put at the table watching the three men clean, her eyes fixed on Phil’s back which he kept resolutely turned to her. The other team members broke into quiet conversations though Tony stayed surprisingly quiet, he was too concentrated on Carter to listen to Nat try to explain the value of variety in one’s music preferences to Steve. It seemed he found his daughter’s taste a touch odd, which Toy found adorable. 

Once the last plate was put away Phil finally turned back to look at Carter, with one eyebrow arched he stood waiting for her to speak. She seemed just as content to wait for Phil to talk and made a slight show of getting more comfortable on her chair, looking at her watch and then lifting her right eyebrow in a perfect mirror of Phil’s signature ‘look.’ “I’m assuming I didn’t teach you that?” asked Phil a small smile on his face. 

“On the contrary Uncle Phil, it’s one of the first things you ever taught me, deliberately that is, I think I was five,”

“Please spare me the thought of a five year old walking around giving everyone ‘The Coulson’ look,” stated Clint without any real heat behind his words. 

“If it eases your mind I got my first bow at four,” replied Carter causally to Clint before speaking to Phil again, “So how do you want to do this? Here? Interog room? Medical?”

“How about S.H.I.E.L.D?” came a new voice that made Carter stand, her position became that of a soldier at ease as she turned to face the newcomer along with the rest of the kitchen.

“Security breach much Nick?” remarked Carter though her position did not change, she chose to not even acknowledge Hill and Sitwell beside the Director.

Nick Fury also chose to ignore her in favouring of fixing Coulson with a ‘look’ of his own, “ I see you neglected protocol here Coulson. What happened to phoning in threats upon their arrival?”

Steve and Bucky bristled at Fury’s words both moving to stand in front of Carter but the young woman ducked out from behind them meeting the Director’s eyes squarely. “She’s not a threat Nick,” started Phil but Nick cut him off, “I consider anyone trained by me, from the past, present or future a threat Phil.”

Nat and Clint exchanged a confused look between them while Phil along with the rest of the team looked at Carter, “Took you long enough Nick,” muttered the young woman who dropped out her military stance to lean casually on the table behind her. 

“How long?” asked Fury.

“Six years, we started on my thirteenth birthday. And I still don’t like you, imagine that,” answered Carter in a bored voice.

“Your stats?”

“Sir, agent stats are supposed to be confidential,” spoke up Hill who was quickly shut down by Carter, “But I’m not training to be an agent so I guess it’s all fair game right? Let’s see: what numbers would you actually care about? My endurance still needs work it’s at an 8, my languages are an 9, my self-preservation is a 1 but you already figured that out didn’t you and my resilience under extreme or dire circumstances is at 8.5 up half from last year.” 

Following Carter’s pronouncement Fury took a long appraising look at the young woman, “Five minutes soldier,” he said before going to turn away. 

“Ready now sir,” she replied in a flat tone and that was when Sitwell who had been staring at her for the entire duration of the conversation made to draw his weapon. Before his hand could even touch his belt a throwing knife whistled through the air and landed directly on top of his heart. “Is that all for today Nick? Because if so, you were soft in your youth,” commented Carter conversationally, “So, about your initial suggestion - no S.H.I.E.L.D, you can get Phil’s report by the end of next week and next time no goon,” she nodded at Sitwell, “I’m not overly fond of you either Hill but at least you do your job.” The female agent looked nonplussed at the woman in front of her but Nick actually had a smile, well a smirk on his face. 

“I hope you’re this good in the future kid, but remember good isn’t usually good enough,” he nodded at Phil, “I expect your report on my desk next week Phil,” he turned to the Avengers at large, “I apologize for the intrusion but I had to check this out. Threat my a**, that’s the last time I ever listen to you Sitwell,” Fury muttered. As he pushed Sitwell towards the elevator Hill fell in step behind him and just before the doors closed Fury locked eyes with Carter again, “You should have been faster kid,” without another word he yanked the knife from Sitwell’s vest and tossed it outside of the elevator. The doors then locked and sent the three agents down to the front door through which they exited several seconds later according to Jarvis. 

Carter was the first to move, she went to go pick up the knife muttering about egotistical directors as she walked over and when she turned back to the room at large sighed. “We’re in for another heavy conversation aren’t we?” her body language seemed to convey surprisingly Pepper stepped in before anything could be said, “I think Nat and I should take Carter shopping. She’ll need some clothes if she’s going to be here awhile.”

Nat jumped on the bandwagon easily, “That’s a great idea Pepper. Why don’t you go wait in the car bay for us? I just have to grab some stuff from my room.”

Carter’s forehead crinkled as if she was trying to understand the sudden change in conversation but then realized it would be best to just take everything as it happened, “Sure Tasha,” she responded slowly as if still trying to process what had just happened. She set her knife down on the closest table and stepped into the elevator. After grabbing some shoes she headed down to the garage to wait for her companions.

As his daughter disappeared behind the elevator doors Steve allowed himself to come back to the situation except Bucky beat him to it, “What the hell was that?” queried the Winter Soldier. 

“She’s been training with Nick,” said Phil incredulously as if not believing his own words, “But he hasn’t actively trained anyone since my class…” 

“She’s been tortured,” said Tony and everyone turned to look at him, “That’s what resilience under extreme or dire circumstances means isn’t it?” he asked the agents in the room his voice pleading them to tell him he was wrong. 

“In theory yes,” Phil replied in his quietest tone as Steve turned a furious gaze on him. “What does that mean, in theory?” asked the super soldier through gritted teeth.

“Shield brother calm thyself,” Thor spoke in a booming, “Tis not the Son of Coul who has allowed this to happen – young Stark seems to have asked for this training. Tis admirable that she wishes to be a good warrior, no?” Before Steve could bite Thor’s head off Bucky bundled his best friend out of the kitchen while Bruce whose face was tinged green slightly prodded Tony from his awestruck horror to make the genius follow him out. 

“You tried buddy,” said Clint, thumping Thor on the arm, “But that’s not exactly what they wanted to hear right now. Go see if you can beat Sam at Mario Kart and we’ll figure this out.”

“Quite a challenge Man with Wings! Come forth we shall do battle. You,” he pointed at War Machine, “You shall oversee our battle.” With that the three men left the kitchen with Sam rolling his eyes at Clint and Rhodey trying not to laugh at both of them leaving Pepper, Clint, Phil, and Nat alone. 

“I’m serious you know,” said Pepper, “She needs to get out of here for a little while, away from all of these serious discussions and our own revelations. I’m taking Nat, we’ll be safe but this kid needs sometime to just be.”

Phil nodded, “You’re right Pepper, but I insist you take Clint,” as the PA opened her mouth to argue he interjected, “Not just for protection but because Nat can’t pick out clothes at all.”

Nat huffed but smiled, “I concur, Coulson speaks the truth.”

Pepper smiled too, “Alright then let’s go shall we?”

The bright lights of the garage came on as Carter walked out of the elevator, happy to be in another familiar place the young Stark let out a breath she hadn’t even been aware she was holding. “Well, now they’re one up on themselves in my time – Dad and Pops don’t know about my meetings with Nick or they’d flip,” she murmured to herself. Shaking herself, her right hand curled in on itself as she walked out into the main car bay area to survey the cars. Immediately, she walked over to the silver Audi Q7 and ghosted her hand over its hood, a genuine smile lighting up her features. “You got your license?” asked Clint as he walked toward her flanked by Pepper and Nat. Carter nodded, “I learned to drive in this car.”

“Is it yours now?” Pepper asked gently, curious about the girl’s response. Carter shook her head, “I wouldn’t take it. That was an awkward moment to say the least; I didn’t want him to just give me things….” She trailed off as if realizing that other people could still hear her. “So, shopping nice diversion.”

“I figured you needed sometime that wasn’t devoted to exposition,” replied Pepper, “Shall we?”

Carter nodded as Clint tossed a set of silvery keys to her, “You passed your tests right?” she nodded again, “So get in.” Another real smile painted her face and the four of them peeled out of the garage as radio blasted Only the Good Die Young. Carter lip-synced along to the song as she drove, grateful for the comfortable silence presented by her companions as she took several turns away from the tower heading into the shopping district. As Never Can Say Goodbye came on the radio Carter pulled into a spot off of Fifth and parked, “How often do we do this?” asked Pepper looking at the young woman via the rear view mirror from her position in the back seat. 

“Pretty often, though I’m not a big shopper – I’m loath to spend money – but when I’m having a bad week or something you three will pile me into a car and we will find ourselves on Fifth Avenue as if by magic,” responded Carter as she unbuckled her belt and exited the car. After locking it she tilted her head towards the avenue as if suddenly unsure Clint took her by the arm and they walked into the closest store, Saks. 

Once inside Clint and Carter charged off together while Nat tagged along with Pepper who took up a perch outside of the fitting rooms. As the archer started pulling blazers and dresses for the young woman who was rapidly speaking to him about a specific shirt cut the two other women relaxed marginally. 

After their initial success Pepper and Nat were relegated official bag holders despite Carter’s insistence that she had two working arms, Clint dragged her into store after store. “I’m glad you suggested this,” Nat said to Pepper, turning away from watching Clint and Carter debating over a pair of red pants, “It hasn’t been easy for any of us hearing that horrible things happen to her in the future but she can’t keep being the one with all of the secrets. We’re going to have to get to the bottom of it soon.”

“But Tony and Steve will have to be calm enough to accept it before she says anything,” continued Pepper, “She’s afraid of hurting them.”

“Yes, but we can’t help her if she continues being self-sacrificing,” responded Nat who brightened up her frustrated tone to one of interest as Carter and Clint came into earshot, “I think you’ve succeeded in your mission to make her colourful as heck Clint,” she said. Pepper smiled at the stack of purples, blues, and reds that stood out in the young woman’s clothes pile as she walked into a dressing room after blushing slightly at Nat’s comment. 

As Carter pulled on a black sheath dress and topped it off with a red blazer she shut her eyes in an effort to convince herself that she was back home, in her time just out with her favourite shopping trio. Her illusion was shattered as she left the dressing room to see their expressions and despite her attempt to hide it she knew Nat had sensed her distress. The assassin stood up from her chair and smoothly requested that Clint go with Pepper for make up as he was the best suited for such a task and Pepper had Tony’s credit cards. She promised to oversee Carter’s fashion show and be there when they returned. Then as the other two moved to another part of the store Clint shooting her concerned looks as they left Nat returned Carter to the dressing room she sat the woman down on the floor and sat opposite her, back against the room’s door. 

Carter struggled to breathe normally as Nat ushered her back into the dressing room but as soon as she made contact with the floor she felt better. Her breaths became deeper and less hurried. Nat stayed opposite her, close enough that she could reach out if need be but far enough away to give Carter her space. 

Carter put her head in her hands ashamed that she couldn’t even handle a simply shopping trip while all everyone had done since she came through the portal was try to be kind to her. “Is this how you repay kindness? By being a f**k up? Stands to reason I suppose considering that there’s nothing else really special about you,” the lilt of Natasha’s accent, which only came out when she was angry, was unmistakable in Carter’s mind. Natasha and Clint were sometimes a package deal when it came to her manipulated mind but sometimes she was treated to them separately – being separate always signalled something worse than usual. 

“No,” hissed Carter, nails digging into her palms until a careful hand pried her fingers away from the soft skin, “Carter?” said Tasha quietly, “Carter, can you hear me?” The young woman tried to nod but couldn’t, she was falling into another ‘memory’ and she could do nothing about it. 

\--------------------------------

In the memory 

Carter found herself in a ballet studio, every square inch of the room was covered mirrors and Nat stood in a corner watching her, mouth in a thin line.   
“Did you think training with Nick could protect you from me?” Natasha asked casually as she twirled a knife in her right hand, “Seriously, you’d think you’d know better by now.” She approached Carter with all of the grace of a panther moving in on its prey. As she came up behind the woman who was frozen in place by fear she whispered in her ear, “Nothing can make you better – you’ll never be beautiful, or even mildly talented – you’ll never be like me.” Carter shivered at her words unable to keep herself from reacting and Natasha smiled with all of her teeth, “Now say it back to me,” she began tracing a word into the girl’s left arm with her knife as she spoke, “so that I know you’ve learned your lesson.”

\------------------------------------

Carter’s mouth opened but no words came out and Nat tut-tutted in disapproval while the knife dug a little deeper breaking the skin, “Speak,” she hissed, “Come on Carter, I know you can,” she sing-songed in a sweet voice, “Just tell me how no one will ever love you. Tell me you’re ugly, inside and out. Tell me and all of this stops, come on Carter…”

“Come on Carter,” whispered Nat as she tried to wake the girl from her memory when the young woman’s eyes flew open and she tried to scramble backward from her. Natasha let her go, not wanting to scare her off anymore when her eyes took in the thin line of dried blood on the girl’s left wrist. “Carter, it’s me Nat, we’re still in 2015 and you’re going to be okay alright?” said the assassin trying to remain calm, “I need you to take off the blazer right now okay Zvyozdochka? The term of endearment seemed to register within Carter’s mind though Nat could never remember having called anyone ‘Little Star’ before that day. Carter gradually pulled the blazer off and stood as if on auto-pilot to hang it up. With the blazer clear Nat was able to make out the source of the blood and felt herself go lightheaded as she recognized the Russian characters for the word ugly were scratched lightly yet professionally into the girl’s arm. Nat’s sharp intake of breath brought Carter who was coming out of haze back to Earth as the young woman quickly took stock of herself and saw the knife work she grabbed her sweater to cover herself up despite chafing the wound. “Tasha,” she whispered quietly, “I’m sorry I thought I could handle this,” receiving nothing in return Carter tumbled along with her sentences, “Please, don’t say anything, please Tasha.”

At the girl’s final plea Natasha met her eyes and Carter knew she would not keep silent, “Oh Carter,” breathed out the assassin, “I can’t keep this from them.” A knock on the dressing room door signalled Clint and Pepper’s return, “Hey friends you won’t believe what we found,” as the door handle turned, Nat’s doing Carter was sure Clint and Pepper were greeted by Carter’s pale face and Tasha’s ashen one. “We have to go,” said Clint taking his cues from Tasha, gathering the bags up he shepherded her to the front of the store with Pepper as support while he went in for Carter. The young woman wouldn’t meet his eyes and when he went to take her left hand she didn’t withdraw it fast enough for him to miss the dried blood. For a split second Clint eyes went from concerned to ice chips, hard and unforgiving, and Carter shrank from him. As if realizing what he was doing Clint shook himself, “I’m won’t hurt you.”

“I wish I could believe you,” responded Carter who slunk past him to follow Pepper and Nat to the car. The drive back was tense as Carter curled up in the backseat and wouldn’t take her eyes off of Nat’s head except for when the assassin looked back at her to take stock of their charge, then Carter would find her hands extraordinarily interesting. Once Clint pulled into the garage Pepper slipped from the backseat and pulled bags from the trunk. She vanished upstairs after a sad look at Carter and a word with Clint. 

As soon as she left the garage became very quiet except for the click of seat belts being unfastened but the doors of the car stayed closed. Carter tried to make herself look as small as possible as Nat and Clint both turned to her, folding down their seats as they did so, of course Stark would upgrade his cars to suit his needs. 

When Nat’s turned to speak with Carter her heart felt like it was breaking, the woman who that morning had confidently shown up the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D was curled into herself, like a small child. Clint was the first one to speak, his voice level, neutral – giving nothing away, “Carter,” he spoke in a hushed tone, “Carter can you look at us?”

Carter did not want to disappoint them anymore than she already had that day and so she tried her best to respond to Clint’s question but it was much more difficult to fight her desire to hide than it should have been. Her head began swimming in nausea as she actually fought with her body to uncurl and look at Clint, as she reached a half sitting position a visible sweat had broken out over her face. “Carter,” Clint’s voice cut into her thoughts sharply, “Stop,” but she didn’t stop, it was a test it had to be. 

When the archer’s calloused hands stilled her actions making Carter aware that Clint had crawled over to her she went stock still – unconsciously afraid of what would happen next. “You should apologize!” screamed a voice inside her head, for what she was apologizing Carter wasn’t sure but words started tumbling out of her mouth without any real reason, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to I swear. I’m sorry Agent Barton please, I’m so sorry.” She continued to rattle off apologizes as if they were the only thing that could keep her alive but the most disturbing development for Nat and Clint was the use of their surnames, Carter continued to refer to them as  
Agent. 

“Get Bucky,” Clint said to Nat, “We’re out of our depth,” he told her as he tried to pacify the woman who was working herself into more of a state as the seconds ticked by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual kudos or comments are appreciated.


	8. Let go of the knife sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony turn to their friends for support. Carter's breakdown scares everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mentions of suicide/previous suicidal thoughts* 
> 
> I do not own the Avengers but Carter is a character of my own creation. 
> 
> R & R please and thank you.

Bucky had pulled Steve from the kitchen before their unofficial captain found himself murdering one of their teammates. He had shoved the super soldier into the elevator and into the gym before Steve realized where he was being led. Upon taking stock of his surroundings Steve growled at Bucky who seemed less than impressed. After a beat Captain America launched himself at his best friend, the only person with whom he could truly safely spar except for Thor. The two men fought for a solid two hours until Bucky had Steve pinned to the mat for the tenth time, “Never let your anger get in the way,” Barnes said to his friend as he let him up. Steve nodded and suddenly all of the fight went out of him, “My god Buck, what kind of nightmare is she living in because of us?” he murmured. 

In Tony’s lab, Bruce was helping his friend work through his feelings by sitting back and watching for serious explosions while Tony took to destroying a prototype that had been giving him trouble. As the fire of his anger cooled Tony eventually pulled up a seat next to Bruce to survey the mess of wires and metal he had created. “I never wanted my child to suffer like me Bruce. What have I done?” asked Tony, his throat thick with sadness. 

Nat burst into the gym, having followed Jarvis’ directions to Bucky to find both super soldiers sitting side by side, talking in the sparring ring, “Barnes,” she called to the ex-assassin, “Clint asked me to get you, it’s Carter.” The two friends scrambled to their feet as Bucky went to follow Nat to the garage via a hidden door Steve took off to find Tony. Before parting, he gave his best friend a tight hug, “Look after her Buck,” he said. 

\- - - 

Bucky and Nat ran into the garage to hear Clint trying in vain to reason with her. As they reached the car Clint threw a grateful look at Nat and he backed out of the space he had been occupying to allow Bucky access to the young woman. However, Bucky chose instead to open the side door near Carter’s head – the flood of brilliant light caused her words to take on an even more frenzied tone. Seeing the glint of Bucky’s arm coming toward her Carter recoiled trying to move away but the Winter Soldier was quicker and he pulled her into his arms despite her desperate attempts to free herself. Her litany of apologies continued factoring in Bucky now too, “Please, please let me go! I promise I’ll be better. Please, I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me anymore, please.” Her pleas cut all of them deeply but they had to move her, and Bucky was the best option to control her in this state. 

Once they were in the elevator Nat began to unlace one of Carter’s shoes while Clint went to work on the other one. The minute the two assassins touched her Carter went still in Bucky’s arms and she ceased to speak. Besides minute trembling in her hands she tried to keep herself from moving though her eyes were wide with apparent fear. 

The journey to the living room had never felt longer to any of the three assassins, “She’s in a residual state, like shock but ten times worse,” Nat told the room at large when they came into view. “Put her down,” Bruce instructed Bucky who gently lay Carter’s form in a large armchair where she promptly curled up again, keeping her eyes on the people in front of her. “Carter, can you hear me? It’s Bruce,” called the Doctor while Nat went over to Steve and Tony who were watching the scene unfold with pain in their eyes, “This one was about me,” she confessed to them, “I’m sor…” Tony wrapped her in a hug, “Don’t say another word Tash,” he spoke in a fierce ton, “Thank you for bringing her home.” 

A terrified cry from the chair made them all turn around to see a sedative Bruce had been trying to administer to Carter broken in half on the carpet, “No, no, no!” yelled the young woman, brandishing her knife from earlier that had lain forgotten next to the armchair. She kept it front of her, “Stay back,” she spat, “Please,” a plea entered her voice. Bringing the knife back to her Carter laid its blade flat against her wrist, “I won’t let this hurt me anymore,” she muttered, a dark look in her eyes as she twirled the knife grazing it down her wrist. She pressed her lips to her pulse and room watched with baited breath, “No,” whispered Steve as he went to walk towards his daughter intent on stopping her by any means necessary only to find his path blocked by Tony. His husband placed a hand over his heart and pushed back lightly, “Wait,” Tony implored the Super Soldier. 

Tony silently made his friends part so that he could crouch one foot in front of his daughter, “Carter,” he called, ‘Sweetheart can you hear me?” Carter stopped playing with her knife and froze at the sound of her dad’s voice. “Daddy?” she said, her lip quivering as if she was a small child, “I can’t do this Daddy. It hurts everyone too much.”

“I know sweetheart,” replied Tony as he inched closer to Carter, keeping her eyes on him, “Sometimes life is just a big black hole that wants to swallow you up. Sometimes you just don’t want to fight it anymore. I remember what that’s like,” he continued ignoring the intakes of breath behind him as the team realized Tony was baring his soul to save his daughter’s life. Carter nodded tentatively as Tony came close enough to touch her arm, “I promise you on my life that we will get through this Carter – you can’t do this alone,” and his hand wrapped around her hand holding the knife’s handle, “and you can’t do this either. Let go of the knife sweetheart.” There was a moment when Carter pulled back from Tony and no one dared breathe, then her eyes seemed to clear and she dropped the throwing knife onto the floor. Tony kicked it away from them and took Carter into his arms where she started to sob into his shoulder.


	9. Look at me Dad, I'm made of iron.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carter has a talk with her fathers; they don't like what they hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the Avengers; I just take them out to play. Carter's character is of my own creation. 
> 
> *Mentions of violence and potential abuse.*

As noiselessly as possible Bruce ushered everyone except for Steve from the living room and quite soon the only sound in the room was Carter fighting her tears that insisted upon falling. Steve went over to his husband and daughter hesitantly pulling them both into a hug and they just sat together, a tangle of limbs holding onto each other. 

Once Carter had calmed down Steve continued to card his hands gently through her hair waiting for her to make the next move. With Tony on one side of him, and Carter on the other the Super Soldier felt like the luckiest man in the world although he admitted in his head that the current situation obviously left much to be desired. “I will remember this one,” whispered Carter, “I don’t always remember what happens when I go under but I always remember these ones. I’m sorry you had to be here.”

“I’m not,” replied Tony, “I’m glad you’re still here sweetheart.” Carter ducked at the emotion in her dad’s voice and did not respond. “So you’ve had other episodes like this one?” Carter nodded, not looking at either of her fathers. “How many?” asked Steve who wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to his question; Carter simply shrugged but when Steve tilted her chin up to look him in the eyes she bit her lip and murmured, “Seven. Seven times not counting this one.”

“God Carter,” gasped Tony, and their daughter hung her head pulling away from Steve to sit on her own.

“It’s why I left. I thought if I got farther away maybe it would affect me less and if it didn’t no one would be around to hear me cry or watch me die,” she confessed, “and then I find myself here…this wasn’t what was supposed to happen.”

“No?” queried Tony voice rough with emotion, “What was supposed to happen? Were we just supposed to let you vanish? Were you going to put your patented Fury spy skills to work to survive?” 

Carter’s voice took on a defensive tone, “Training with Nick had nothing to do with this mess!”

“Then why did you do it?” Steve asked, “Why not ask one of us to help you?”

“Because Nick doesn’t care about me, not the way any of you do – to him I am just another person to train. He doesn’t think I’m fragile. He doesn’t think I’m incapable. He knows that I don’t want to be a liability and he was willing to help me escape that role,” answered Carter in a heated voice, “Nick knows that I am made of iron.”

At her last sentence Tony’s eyes widened in shock, “What did you just say?”

“That’s what he says when I’m lagging behind, Starks are made of iron – we don’t bend…”

“No, we just break,” retorted Tony, “You are not made of iron Carter – iron can’t feel, can’t live, it doesn’t cry, and it is incapable of love.”

“Some days I think it would be easier if I was,” she replied. 

Carter’s eyes shuttered closed after her pronouncement allowing her fathers time to process her words. Hearing nothing she slowly opened her eyes to fix them both with a blank stare, it was what Nick called her ‘Agent’ face, and she had long since perfected it. 

Steve’s face showed a mixture of sadness, the depths of which she wished to never explore, and fear, an emotion she used to think her Pops was not capable of feeling. Her dad however she knew was schooled in keeping his emotions hidden if required, she had learned that the first time she saw him on the television giving an interview. Though he had relaxed considerably around the Avengers since Loki had tried to take New York there were still times when the old Tony Stark came out to play – this was one of those times. Carter almost flinched away from him when she saw his face, blanker than her own but she stood her ground. 

None of them spoke. Then Carter rose from the carpet and began to move towards the stairs at the end of the hallway leading from the common room’s floor. “What was your plan?” Tony called after her before she could leave the floor.

A weak smile overtook Carter’s face as she turned to look her dad square in the face, “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“Oh, but we do,” Tony replied, his voice colder than Steve had ever heard it before, “Why not share with the class kid?” he exclaimed, his raised voice bringing Nat and Phil to lean into the living room. Clint made his way over to Tony, “Listen mate maybe this isn’t the best time…”

“The best time, really Legolas? My daughter just tried to commit suicide because of some freakish crap that happened to her in the future and you’re telling me to hold onto courtesy?” Tony’s voice never changed in pitch but the sarcasm and anger was evident in the way he roughly pushed Clint away from himself. Before anyone could stop him he grabbed Carter by the wrist, but she didn’t even flinch. 

“Tony!” warned Bucky’s voice before Steve could step in but Tony was too busy staring down his daughter.

“Oh, and did I mention that she knows how to cure herself of this s**t?” hissed Tony, his grip on Carter’s wrist tightening as he spoke. When Steve made to intervene Tony pulled Carter behind him, twisting her wrist, “Not one step closer Cap. I want the truth.” It was as if he was outside of himself, the man in front of them wasn’t Tony. This was Tony scared and vulnerable reacting before someone else could hurt him.

“How did you figure it out?” whispered Carter, and all eyes snapped to her as Tony turned to face her again.

“This wasn’t what was supposed to happen…” he mimicked, “What are you playing at – doing this to yourself?” his grip loosened as he made to shake himself from his frenzy when Carter’s other hand came to rest on the hand holding her wrist. 

“Break it,” she said, a profound melancholy in her voice.

Tony tried to pull back from her, but her grip tightened now, twisting so that he could feel the fragile bone beneath her skin, “You can’t can you?” she released his hand, watching him stumble back into Steve’s arms.

She looked up at them, tears swimming in her eyes but unshed, “I told you,” she said, “You don’t want to know.”


	10. We do this together or not at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down. Hopefully this explains some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Avengers.

Thor seemed to be the only one who could keep his head as Carter’s every word rocked the Avengers’ world, “Young Stark you intended to have your family harm you?” boomed out the god.

At his pronouncement Carter fixed him with an appraising look, eerily similar to Tony’s when he was carefully considering an answer, “There are times in everyone’s life when one has been knocked down low enough to contemplate doing what I need done. I wasn’t supposed to show up here – in this time you’re fixed, you’re a family – I needed everyone when they were broken. As selfish as it sounds I needed you at your weakest to keep me alive.”

“Why?” asked Thor, the timbre of his voice warning the others to not interrupt, “What happened?” 

“Wouldn’t I like to know,” responded the young woman looking at him with tired eyes, “It was a routine extraction call – I didn’t even know you guys were called in until much later – I went because there were children involved and I wanted to help. I was out of practice and they jumped me as I was getting the last child to safety. No one knew it was me in the field except for Nick.” She sighed loudly, “Apart from those details all I know is what they showed and told me,” placing two fingers from her right hand on her temple she grimaced then closed her eyes as if concentrating. Her left hand closed over her watch, which suddenly lit up encasing the room in the harsh mechanical blue of the arc reactor, “It’ll make more sense if I show you,” murmured Carter. The living room melted away from all of them as the Avengers tried to grasp what was happening their environment came into focus.

_FLASHBACK_

_The warehouse was bleak, the only windows that existed were broken and up high – the room was dimly lit by the orange glow of what looked like street lamps outside. An industrial strength steel door glowed a sickly yellow marking the only exit as inaccessible. A scream pulled their attention to the centre of the room where three metal constructions, they could hardly be called cots, were arranged. Two young boys, maybe fifteen were struggling with each other – as the young woman, Carter, yelled at them from where she was restrained to the third bed._

_“Nathan! Go!” she tried to scream, her voice barely a whisper as if she had been screaming for hours or days._

_But the boys wouldn’t separate – it was clear that one, Nathan likely, was holding the other in a tight hug, crying as the other tried to shred his sides with his nails. Rivulets of blood trickled down Nathan’s side but he wouldn’t let go._

It became clear to the Avengers that Carter was showing them her memories as she walked over to the three cots, stopping just two feet away from the two boys. “They were brothers, twins. Nathan and Trevor, they brought them in to show me the effects of the drug – Trevor went mad only a few days after they administered it. The only way out is to have the people in your mind hurt you – but Nathan wouldn’t.” She spoke neutrally as her unfocused eyes gaze at the scene unfolding in front of them, ”He bled out eventually. It’s surprising how supple and malleable flesh can be.” 

“The funny thing is they didn’t want me – not really – what they wanted was you,” she turned to face the group behind her, eyes connecting with her fathers, “They wanted to break you – from the inside out. They knew you would never be able to save me so they had a guaranteed victory.” Carter took her hand off of her watch not sparing the scene behind her another glance before it winked into oblivion and the Avengers found themselves back in the living room, “That’s why I left. This time travelling was a last ditch effort, a swan song, but I knew in my gut that it wouldn’t work,” at her last words a brief spark of light appeared in her eyes, “I don’t suppose I can convince you not to have a kid eh?” she asked her fathers. She laughed coldly to herself, “I suppose not.”

“Well, I should go – there’s nothing left for me here,” she stated in a matter-a-fact tone and made her way to the elevators.

“Jarvis initiate lockdown procedures,” spoke Tony’s voice from behind her and she paused, hand poised above the down button.  

“Really?” she asked, “Do you want to watch me die?” Carter spoke to the wall not daring to turn around, not daring to hope. She didn’t hear a word in response only shuffling feet on her left, she turned to her right bracing for an attack when a needle connected with the left side of her neck.  Her world went black. The last thing she was conscious of was being carried by Bucky down towards the lab.  

Bruce oversaw Bucky laying the young woman down onto his examination table, the doctor paused at the restraints but Natasha didn’t. She secured each of Carter’s limbs with the straps, stopping to caress the young woman’s brow when she was done, “There has to be something we can do,” she spoke softly.  

“And what if there isn’t?” Bucky said voicing the fears of everyone in the room.

“Shut up Bucky,” hissed Steve, who despite his harsh words was clinging to his best friend like he was a life preserver.  Tony placed his hand on the original supersolider’s shoulder, “He’s right - we need plans, A, B, C, and D,” the engineer stated, “How long until she wakes up Clint?”  The archer shrugged, “Five hours maybe less. You know we can’t just drug her forever right?”  

“We know,” murmured Phil looking at Carter’s prone body for another moment before snapping back to attention and turning to the two scientists in the room, “S.H.I.E.LD’s database is at your disposal; we will figure this out.” 

Bruce pulled out his phone and the name, ‘Helen,’ could be heard while Tony quietly asked Thor to find Dr. Foster - the more brainpower on the problem the better.  After the god disappeared he turned to his husband, who sighed, “I know, I can’t be here - I’ll take everyone else up, we’ll brainstorm,” he gesticulated lamely, “Something.” Tony kissed him lightly on the cheek and whispered, “We’re not letting her go without a fight soldier.”

It took less than an hour for Jane and Helen to make their way over to the Tower and during that time Carter had not stirred. Besides the scientists the only other person in the lab was Natasha who was using Carter’s thumbprint to access the woman’s laptop.  Steve had tried to kick up a fuss, citing honour and privacy but no one had listened to him, least of all himself.  They had emptied Carter’s bag and sorted the limited contents into piles – useful, interesting, and irrelevant. Unsurprisingly there was little that the superheroes felt was irrelevant to the case at hand. So far only hairbands, bobby pins, and empty anti-acid packages sat in the irrelevant pile.

A StarkPhone (locked and password protected of course), glasses, an inhaler, and a journal were the main items that were deemed useful or interesting. While Steve had protested searching his daughter’s bag out of a sense of obligation no one in the room opened her journal. There was a surprising amount of literature inside the bag too. Everything from the third Harry Potter book to a tattered copy of the Communist Manifesto and The Importance of Being Earnest by Wilde was piled up beside Clint as the bag was slowly emptied. Finally, when nothing was left Steve reached for the journal. His fingers only hesitated for a moment and then he opened it. As he did so the other Avengers pulled back from where he was to give him space alone with his daughter’s innermost thoughts. Quietly, Clint began to catalogue the items they had found and Thor helped by sorting the things into piles.

Bucky watched Steve. He watched him intently and saw that despite appearances his friend could not bring himself to read the journal in front of him – it was an affront to everything Steve knew and stood for. So he made his way over to his best friend and stretched out his hand. Steve was not startled; he just handed the book over. “Somehow I think she would be okay with you reading it,” murmured Steve as his friend accepted the book. 

“Not so fast Stevie,” replied Bucky, “We do this together or not at all.” 

With that ultimatum hanging over him Bucky retreated to the den near the lab to wait for Steve. The journal stayed closed for twenty minutes. That was all it took for Steve to appear in the doorway, shoulders squared, eyes haunted but determined. Steve resigned himself to a seat in front of Bucky, who after a prompting look, opened the book and began to read.

 


	12. The Journal - Just the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They start reading the journal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or the Avengers.

August 29, 2036 

Dad called me a writer today. Told me that I need to have a notebook on me at all times for those moments of inspiration – I guess it’s a more low-tech version of his designing software so it must have pained him to give it to me but I think he knew I would work better with a journal than a Stark Pad. I love typing things normally, stories etc. but to be honest that’s not what I intend to use this book for. I want somewhere I can record my thoughts without worrying about Jarvis checking up on me when Dad or Pops get antsy or invasive. It’s funny, now that I have a space to write things down I feel like I have nothing to say. Watch the minute I put down my pen a thousand and one ideas will flood my mind.

 

Sept. 7, 2036

I was right.

 

Sept. 17, 2036 

School was long today. I think that comes from being in College rather than high school. My sleep schedule is erratic although nothing like Dad’s of course. Even his is tamer now though, according to Pops at least. I’m glad I chose to go to College in D.C. While I know it does not exactly hold happy memories for Pops, Sam, Tasha, or Bucky I love it here. I suppose I also chose Georgetown because, well, I knew they would think twice about venturing out this way.

My family can be a bit much sometimes. I think superheroes automatically mean twice the trouble – thank goodness I haven’t run into any other superhumans out here yet. I have my suspicions about a girl in one of my classes, her eyes are simply too beautiful to be human but that might just be my romantic side reminding me that there are other things in this world than studying and family.

There’s Vicky for instance. She and I get up to some real shenanigans – at least by my count – but she says my perception of trouble is more wholesome than apple pie. I think Pops would get a kick out of her saying that. I want her to visit New York with me this Christmas, her brother and sister-in-law are currently deployed so she won’t really have an excuse to say no. We’ve been friends for three years now but she never pushes me to talk about my family; that’s how I know she’s here for me, not them. At least, I think she is. Damn. Having famous parents can really suck. They make you question everything about yourself and your identity. And it’s not even their fault.

Now, I just sound whiny. See this is exactly what I was trying to avoid with this journal. I love my family. Sometimes I just wish we were more normal. Then again, what is ‘normal’ really? Thank goodness this is written down and not recorded through Jarvis. We’d probably have to hold a darn family intervention about my feelings. And my phone’s ringing, which means time for ‘Sam’s bi-weekly pity party /period of reflection’ to end. Night, night journal.

 

 


	13. The Journal (Continued - A Teaser)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm serious - this is a short update.

Steve swallowed as the passage came to an end, his heart in pieces for his little girl who wasn’t quite so little anymore. Hell, he knew it was hard to trust people in their position – Tony had told him enough half stories to understand that his beloved had dealt with significant amount of people who just wanted to be around him for his money and fame. The fact that his daughter was having the same issues, though for slightly more him related issues made him angry and sad at the same time.

Bucky nudged him with his elbow, “You okay to keep going?”

Steve gritted his teeth and nodded, “We have to.”

Sept. 23, 2017

Vicky said yes, so at least there’s that. Life isn’t going great right now. Pops and I are fighting, as per usual. He wants me to come home this weekend just to “be at home” but I need to be here. I need the distance, except when I tell him that it just turns into a discussion about family.

I just want to breathe and be, except being the daughter of a Stark and a Rogers I am anything but average (apparently). It’s not really like I am anything exceptional. At least my training with Nick is going well. Ironic isn’t it, how I want to reject my parents lifestyles but I might turn into some sort of half-decent SHIELD agent (at least if that is what I wanted). It’s not though. I would love to just get away from all of this pressure; that’s what college was supposed to do for me. Well, I am SOL here on that front

 

*SOL: Shit out of luck


End file.
